<Scene: a young (high-school) happy couple in a school hallway sharing a moment with each other in each others’ embrace.  He is tall, blond, and athletic in both reality and appearance.  She is small and petite, into academics and books telling stories of dramatic, youth romances.

Also in this hall are two huddled groups, on opposites sides of the couple.  The first group is comprised of boys.  Most of them are athletic as well: one wears a football uniform, one wears a swim-team T-shirt, one has a school baseball cap on, another wears Nike shoes in a weak effort to appear as part of the group, and the last wears a hot pink shirt with math and chemistry formulas all over it such as E=mc², F=ma, and TiO­­₂ (Titanium Dioxide).  On occasion, a boy will glance dejectedly over at his friend partway down the hall.

The other group consists of girls.  One of the girls is a cheerleader, two of the girls are in volleyball, another is in the school choir, and the last does karate.  Every once in a while, a girl will look up and frown in the direction of her friend partway down the hall.  The couple is oblivious to the gloomy attitudes of their former friends they have traded for a more intimate relationship.  All of these people are sophomores and freshmen.

Presently a senior walks through the hall and stops to assess the situation.  He is the lead trumpet player in band, he is the choir tenor section leader, he is the Student Body president, he plays basketball, he has had a 4.1 GPA since he was a sophomore, his after high-school intention is to make his way in the Navy, all the girls adore him, and most applicably, he has never had a steady girlfriend.  He immediately recognizes the problem and approaches the couple, interrupting their supposed time to themselves.  He begins talking:>

Hello.  I am Thomas Preston, and I have been given the task of delivering you diagnosis results.  I am afraid to say you both suffer from the later stages of infatuation.  I’m not entirely sure, but it is safe to assume that this infatuation was possible by a severe case of denial.  The other possibility is it formed from incredible misinformation, short-sightedness, or lack of knowledge and experience.  It would have been better to have caught either the infatuation and/or the denial at its earlier stages; it is much harder to treat at this point.

It is most likely you picked up your denial from the media; perhaps your parents’ soap operas or reality TV.  The other likely place you caught it is from your fellow students here at the school who have suffered from the same and worse levels of infatuation as you have.  (They in turn caught it from the media by some fashion or other.) Fortunately, denial cannot spread until infatuation has reached the appropriate immaturity, but it spreads like wildfire once it has achieved this.  It appears you came in contact with it.

Our first clue of the denial was your separation from you friends and the new-found proximity with each other.  This speeds along infatuation, allowing denial to spread more quickly.  The primary side-effect of this is your beliefs that your relationship will last forever.  This thought is brought about by denial.  If you don’t believe that the relationship will last, then denial is not your problem and you are a menace to yourself and to society.

Don’t lose hope, however.  There is treatment for this unfortunate situation, though it would have been more effective before infatuation had set in so completely.  I prescribe talking to your partner’s friends, finding out about the finer details of you partner’s life.  If you do this, there is an increased likelihood that denial and infatuation can be fought off.  Another possible treatment I’ll prescribe should only be used if the first fails.  Try insulting each other and bringing to light everything about your partner you find annoying or unfavorable.  This is a surefire way to combat infatuation.

If you don’t heed my advice, infatuation will eventually self-destruct, although denial will remain intact.  I call it the sinking ship effect.  As more and more infatuation sets in, it will eventually sink your relationship like a rock, dragging your emotional stability down with it.  This is an unpleasant and incomplete way to put an end to infatuation, but it is better than nothing.

I want you to do your best to address these problems.  I’ll check on your progress in one week.  The cost of this appointment is this: no more displays of affection in public at least for a week.  Thank you and goodbye.